3rd March: A Bizarre Episode

I’ve just realised I’ve forgotten to relate a particularly interesting event which really deserves a mention. It must have been a couple of weeks ago now, but on a certain Tuesday evening, half-an-hour before I was due to leave to meet my friends, there was a knock at the door, and I heard Giorgos talking to a Spanish woman. So, knowing Giorgos’ limited grasp of Spanish might make this situation a little difficult, I went to help.

It turned out it was our neighbour from the flat above, Carmen, who had come to ask for our help in opening the door of the flat above her for an elderly lady who had fallen and couldn’t get out of the flat. Since Giorgos didn’t really have any idea what was going on, I went up with Carmen myself and gave the door a go. We were using some sort of credit card, and I decided that a bit of male strength might help the situation so went back down to Giorgos and sent him to have a go whilst I quickly ran to the toilet.

During my short absence they somehow managed to get the door open, but the problem that followed was not something neither Giorgos nor I had prepared ourselves for. There in the doorway, sitting bewilderedly on the floor with her legs straight out in front of her, was one of the fattest old women I have ever seen. She insisted she couldn’t get up. Giorgos, being a medic, naturally got me to ask if she were injured or ill, or if there were in fact any reason why she was sprawled across her hallway. But both she and Carmen assured us that she was perfectly unharmed; nevertheless, we would have to pull her up.

What happened next was truly bizarre. Imagine the scene; me, a confused Greek and an agitated Spanish woman all grabbing onto this fat old woman in the doorway and trying to drag her to a standing position, while she was refusing to make any effort to move herself, not even bend her knees. It was all so surreal that Giorgos and I were struggling to keep a straight face. At one point, he just turned to me and said simply, in his Greek accent, “This is hilarious.” I had to turn away for a few seconds to regain composure.

In the end, after trying every which angle and sliding the fat old lady along the floor onto the open landing by the banister, to no avail, we decided to call the police. Why Carmen insisted on calling the police, and not the considerably more appropriate ambulance or even the fire brigade, baffles me to this day, but I didn’t feel in any position to argue.

Then, as if things weren’t already strange enough, Carmen tried to get me to phone the police using the phone in her flat; I have no idea why she thought getting an English person to explain this bizarre scenario to the Spanish authorities. Anyway, I managed to convince her that I probably wasn’t the best person for the job and she phoned them herself. I just had chance to confirm with Carmen that they were on their way before I had to run out and meet my friends. I managed not to laugh all the way down Gran Vía, before I saw them and, much to their confusion, completely cracked up, not managing to regain full composure for a good five minutes.