When my alarm woke me at 9.30 on Sunday morning it felt as though
I hadn’t slept at all. I had been close to switching it off during one of my
fits of wakefulness in the night, but knew I would probably not be able to
sleep much longer anyway, and it would be better to get up and make it to the
fitness studio rather than staying in the house with little to distract me from
my thoughts.
Going to the open day at the fitness studio had helped me
get through the day before. I went to four classes in total: salsa, modern
dance, yoga and Pilates. When I first turned up my thoughts were in a chaotic spiral,
reminding me over and over of everything that would happen now he was gone, of
how my nan, my mum, my cousins, aunties and uncles must be feeling. It was all I
could do to concentrate on the instructions the trainer was calling out and to
mechanically follow the steps, but it was the distraction I needed. Meeting and
talking to some friendly Russian girls at the class made me feel slightly more
human again, and by the time all the classes were over it was nearly 5 o’clock
and it felt like I had survived the day.
That evening, I was able to talk on Skype to my parents for
the first time since I had been here. Seeing them and hearing their voices, I was
torn between relief at finally being able to feel a bit closer to them and pain
at still feeling so far away. The connection failed after ten minutes but we
tried again once my mum was at my nan’s. The fleeting glimpse I got of everyone
as they crowded around the laptop was enough to remind me of how much I missed
them, but with so many voices speaking at once the connection soon gave out. I was
able to talk to my cousin for long enough to find out that they were all
looking after each other, as I knew they would. Then I was able to talk to my
boyfriend for twenty minutes – without video, but just hearing his voice was a
comfort. Snuggling up in bed with a favourite film wasn’t enough to take my
mind off what I had lost and how far away I was from the people I loved, but it
distracted me for a little while at least.
The next day, my classes started at 11 and finished at 1.15,
this time being fitness, yoga fit and zumba. I met some more nice Russian
people who were, like the girls yesterday, impressed at my level of Russian and
surprised that I had chosen to study it and come to Russia. Despite everything,
I managed to enjoy the classes and considered that, as well as being good
physical exercise they would also be a great way to improve my Russian. I had
been about to sign up for a half-month subscription when I realised that this
would be senseless as I would miss classes when I went back home for the
funeral. Walking home, I contemplated how much it would cost me in the meantime
to go to a few classes a week, as any distraction would be welcome and keeping
fit seemed as good a way as any.
When a text came through asking me to the cinema I
automatically refused, thinking the time would be too tight, but at the last
minute changed my mind and managed to wash, dry and straighten my hair, and do
my makeup, in half an hour. Watching Finding
Nemo 3D (В Поисках Нема 3Д) with some friends would be a great way to take
my mind off things and so much better than sitting in alone in my room. And so the
day I had dreaded ended up being filled with distractions, and that evening I
was almost content in my own company, chatting to friends online, catching up
on work and watching strange Russian TV programmes. I had survived the weekend
and now it was time for another week, with all the distractions of work,
fitness and going out.
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